The deed is done. Signed, sealed and alomst delivered. It’s hardly a secret at the office anymore. Even the manager of the section was congratulating me and asking me questions about the job. Much positive feedback.
Just as well since I am still plagued by doubts even though I know now that this is something I must do. What about all those good friends? And the fine community? And the cheap comfort house and lifestyle? I tell myself not to be afraid even though it all looks uncertain. The new boss said he would come up and have dinner with me sometime and discuss how things really are (now that he can tell me company secrets). How are things really? What terrible secrets are being hidden from my view?
I will do okay. So far, things are falling into place: a free car, for instance, certainly helps. An unexpected termination payment from my current employer (too good to be true). I tell myself not to be afraid. This will be an adventure that will, in the long run, be beneficial.
I start on the 25th of September. Three and a half weeks of saying good-bye to fellow coworkers.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Day 36
Well, Thursday was sort of the day . . . they didn’t have a written offer ready (supposedly it is to come today but it is already nearing the end of the business day) but I did get the details.
The job is mine, if I want it.
And I do want it. I just don’t want it at their proposed compensation. It is at the bottom end of the pay scale and I was looking for something more towards the middle. The headhunter suggests that I’ve got waht I wanted - if you include the bonus but I can’t run my family budget by going into debt $7,000 every year, only to dispense with the debt with the bonus at the end of the year. A bonus is a bonus - it’s not something that should be counted on for daily living.
So . . . I’m unhappy. The headhunter doesn’t know this; she thinks I’ve reconciled myself to the situation and will accept the offer. Hmmm . . . . let’s see the actual written offer first before I commit myself.
This has gone on long enough and has consumed my summer. I am hoping this will end this week, one way of the other. I thought it would last week so perhaps it will take longer than another week to finish up.
The job is mine, if I want it.
And I do want it. I just don’t want it at their proposed compensation. It is at the bottom end of the pay scale and I was looking for something more towards the middle. The headhunter suggests that I’ve got waht I wanted - if you include the bonus but I can’t run my family budget by going into debt $7,000 every year, only to dispense with the debt with the bonus at the end of the year. A bonus is a bonus - it’s not something that should be counted on for daily living.
So . . . I’m unhappy. The headhunter doesn’t know this; she thinks I’ve reconciled myself to the situation and will accept the offer. Hmmm . . . . let’s see the actual written offer first before I commit myself.
This has gone on long enough and has consumed my summer. I am hoping this will end this week, one way of the other. I thought it would last week so perhaps it will take longer than another week to finish up.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Today is the Day
Today is the day I find out about this job. I am pretty sure that the company will make me an offer; the question is now what will that offer look like? I alternate between feeling nervous and calm and anticipate feeling this way for six months as our lives get shaken up. Is it worth the stress? Should I just stay in the cozy little Shire where the only thing that really seems to get people excited is the possible building of a cross-town street?
I am in too deep. How to say no without a good reason other than it is too scary? A push out the door and into the land of Mordor . . . or Gondor. At least I will not be bored or restless for the next few years. Anxious, stressed out or unhappy maybe but not bored. And boredom is something I fear.
I am in too deep. How to say no without a good reason other than it is too scary? A push out the door and into the land of Mordor . . . or Gondor. At least I will not be bored or restless for the next few years. Anxious, stressed out or unhappy maybe but not bored. And boredom is something I fear.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Interview, Round 3
Yesterday I went in for my third interview. This one was with the general manager again and some of the other managers. The interview went well although I felt that I wasn’t as enthusiastic or on the ball as on the previous ones. I think I essentially have the job - if I want it. They need to confirm with their US parent that this is the route they should be going so I won’t hear anything until Wednesday at the earliest.
If I want it. That’s a big question. Already I feel under stress all the time. Will it be like this from now on? First there is the job: it is a manager’s position and will require some difficult interpersonal interactions with the staff. As the boss said, the current group of cartographers is a tight circle that needs to be broken and reshaped. That will be the biggest challenge for me - facing hostility and possibly personal challenges. Not something I enjoy. But, I think if I am clear and intentional in my communications I should be able to do it. There is much to learn here and I can do it - if I want to. I must learn not to avoid that which I don’t want to do. The rest of the job looks easy in comparison. That I am not worried about.
And then there is the cost of housing. Of course I don’t know what I’d be paid but right now I think we could not go above a $225,000 mortgage which limits us to a $325,000 house. Alot for where we live now but on the lower side of things for over there. How can we maintain the same lifestyle we have now over there? We can’t. We will end up with a smaller house, a smaller lot, a bigger mortgrage, another car, higher expenses. It is depressing. But let’s wait until they make an offer, I suppose.
This is exciting, an adventure but it is also very scary. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I am not up to the job? What if I don’t like it? Sometimes I feel that I need to take this job just to force myself to grow up. I feel that I am in a position now where I have already committed myself too much to be able to go back to the way things were. Could I continue in my present job and be happy? Or will I be kicking myself for a missed opportunity? Probably the latter, knowing my personality.
If it doesn’t work out, I suppose we can always buy a $50,000 house in Mattawa and scrounge around for freelance work!
Sigh.
If I want it. That’s a big question. Already I feel under stress all the time. Will it be like this from now on? First there is the job: it is a manager’s position and will require some difficult interpersonal interactions with the staff. As the boss said, the current group of cartographers is a tight circle that needs to be broken and reshaped. That will be the biggest challenge for me - facing hostility and possibly personal challenges. Not something I enjoy. But, I think if I am clear and intentional in my communications I should be able to do it. There is much to learn here and I can do it - if I want to. I must learn not to avoid that which I don’t want to do. The rest of the job looks easy in comparison. That I am not worried about.
And then there is the cost of housing. Of course I don’t know what I’d be paid but right now I think we could not go above a $225,000 mortgage which limits us to a $325,000 house. Alot for where we live now but on the lower side of things for over there. How can we maintain the same lifestyle we have now over there? We can’t. We will end up with a smaller house, a smaller lot, a bigger mortgrage, another car, higher expenses. It is depressing. But let’s wait until they make an offer, I suppose.
This is exciting, an adventure but it is also very scary. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I am not up to the job? What if I don’t like it? Sometimes I feel that I need to take this job just to force myself to grow up. I feel that I am in a position now where I have already committed myself too much to be able to go back to the way things were. Could I continue in my present job and be happy? Or will I be kicking myself for a missed opportunity? Probably the latter, knowing my personality.
If it doesn’t work out, I suppose we can always buy a $50,000 house in Mattawa and scrounge around for freelance work!
Sigh.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
More Waiting
Am I impatient? Perhaps . . . but it the process is going well, though a bit too slowly for my liking.
Another interview tomorrow, this one a 3 hour interview that is more a meeting with future colleagues to see if we can play well together - I think. They like me so far so I think that, unless I screw up things tomorrow, they will make me an offer. I hope this weekend but I’m starting to lower my expectations. Perhaps by next week.
I’m still nervous about all of this, of course. How will the meeting go tomorrow? What will be discussed? What questions will be asked? And what kind of offer will they make when the time comes? I am hoping that their offer will make it easy to decide to accept the job. After more waiting, we shall see.
In the meantime, I will just remain nervous about it all.
Another interview tomorrow, this one a 3 hour interview that is more a meeting with future colleagues to see if we can play well together - I think. They like me so far so I think that, unless I screw up things tomorrow, they will make me an offer. I hope this weekend but I’m starting to lower my expectations. Perhaps by next week.
I’m still nervous about all of this, of course. How will the meeting go tomorrow? What will be discussed? What questions will be asked? And what kind of offer will they make when the time comes? I am hoping that their offer will make it easy to decide to accept the job. After more waiting, we shall see.
In the meantime, I will just remain nervous about it all.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The Waiting
The waiting is the hardest part. The uncertainty of which directions things will go is unsettling.
They liked me, very much. Both men who interviewed me had very positive reports of me to give to the head hunter (so she said). There is no else that they are interviewing right now. If the want someone in this position it will be me. But I don't have the job yet. The last week was spent by the company determining what it exactly I’ll be doing if I get the job and if they in fact want this position to exist.
This part doesn’t make sense. Shouldn’t the employer first decide whether or not to have the position, then interview? Not the other way around? The head hunter said thatthey had done so, had interviewed and offered someone the job which they turned down. They continued to look but couldn’t find anyone, then decided that they needed to develop a Plan B in case they didn’t find anyone. Then I came along. Now they need to re-evaluate whether to go with Plan A or Plan B. They hoping to have it decided by yesterday. But it didn’t happen.
On another note, I feel that the head hunter is preparing me to accept a lower salary. Originally she said that she expected them to offer in the middle of the range. Now she says she expects them to offer in the lower end of the range. I shared with her my minimum expectations, then a while later said that I had to revise numbers because of Markham being more expensive. Yesterday when I spoke with her she said she had no recollection of having that conversation. How conveneient. Also annoying.
So the waiting . . . for a job offer AND for the specifics on the job offer. Meanwhile I’ve made commitments to the college to teach courses in the fall. If I’m to back out of them I’d need to know by August 14th by the very latest. The job looks interesting and, given the right offer, I’d accept it. I’m jus getting frustrated and annoyed with this process.
They liked me, very much. Both men who interviewed me had very positive reports of me to give to the head hunter (so she said). There is no else that they are interviewing right now. If the want someone in this position it will be me. But I don't have the job yet. The last week was spent by the company determining what it exactly I’ll be doing if I get the job and if they in fact want this position to exist.
This part doesn’t make sense. Shouldn’t the employer first decide whether or not to have the position, then interview? Not the other way around? The head hunter said thatthey had done so, had interviewed and offered someone the job which they turned down. They continued to look but couldn’t find anyone, then decided that they needed to develop a Plan B in case they didn’t find anyone. Then I came along. Now they need to re-evaluate whether to go with Plan A or Plan B. They hoping to have it decided by yesterday. But it didn’t happen.
On another note, I feel that the head hunter is preparing me to accept a lower salary. Originally she said that she expected them to offer in the middle of the range. Now she says she expects them to offer in the lower end of the range. I shared with her my minimum expectations, then a while later said that I had to revise numbers because of Markham being more expensive. Yesterday when I spoke with her she said she had no recollection of having that conversation. How conveneient. Also annoying.
So the waiting . . . for a job offer AND for the specifics on the job offer. Meanwhile I’ve made commitments to the college to teach courses in the fall. If I’m to back out of them I’d need to know by August 14th by the very latest. The job looks interesting and, given the right offer, I’d accept it. I’m jus getting frustrated and annoyed with this process.
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