Interview, Round 3

Yesterday I went in for my third interview. This one was with the general manager again and some of the other managers. The interview went well although I felt that I wasn’t as enthusiastic or on the ball as on the previous ones. I think I essentially have the job - if I want it. They need to confirm with their US parent that this is the route they should be going so I won’t hear anything until Wednesday at the earliest.

If I want it. That’s a big question. Already I feel under stress all the time. Will it be like this from now on? First there is the job: it is a manager’s position and will require some difficult interpersonal interactions with the staff. As the boss said, the current group of cartographers is a tight circle that needs to be broken and reshaped. That will be the biggest challenge for me - facing hostility and possibly personal challenges. Not something I enjoy. But, I think if I am clear and intentional in my communications I should be able to do it. There is much to learn here and I can do it - if I want to. I must learn not to avoid that which I don’t want to do. The rest of the job looks easy in comparison. That I am not worried about.

And then there is the cost of housing. Of course I don’t know what I’d be paid but right now I think we could not go above a $225,000 mortgage which limits us to a $325,000 house. Alot for where we live now but on the lower side of things for over there. How can we maintain the same lifestyle we have now over there? We can’t. We will end up with a smaller house, a smaller lot, a bigger mortgrage, another car, higher expenses. It is depressing. But let’s wait until they make an offer, I suppose.

This is exciting, an adventure but it is also very scary. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I am not up to the job? What if I don’t like it? Sometimes I feel that I need to take this job just to force myself to grow up. I feel that I am in a position now where I have already committed myself too much to be able to go back to the way things were. Could I continue in my present job and be happy? Or will I be kicking myself for a missed opportunity? Probably the latter, knowing my personality.

If it doesn’t work out, I suppose we can always buy a $50,000 house in Mattawa and scrounge around for freelance work!

Sigh.